Category Archives: Feeling

Redirection: Handling With Care

Redirection: Handle With Care

Sometimes it’s not us, but the people around us that are having a bad day. Our friends, family, the people closest to us. Sometimes they verbally direct their anger at us, even with it has nothing to do with us. For many of us, our first instinct is to yell back and get angry and well.

Handle With Care:

  1. First carefully, calmly and thoughtfully ask the person what thing/s happened to upset them.
  2. If they DON”T want to talk about it yet then don’t push them. (Something I need to work on because I’m a “Fixer.”)
  3. If they DO want to talk about it, just listen.
  4. Take a deep breath. (You need it, as much as they might.)
  5. Give them space for a few minutes to calm down.
  6. Return and kindly and calmly let them know that while you understand they are having a tough time you’d appreciate they not direct their anger at you.
  7. Give them more space.
  8. Depending on the nature of your relationship you may choose to help them with things not related to their problem to help ease tension. For example: If it is my SO’s turn to do the dishes or cook and they are having a crap day then I’ll just do it for them and they’ll return the favor later.

I understand that we all deal with stress differently and that what may not make me upset may make my friends and family upset. I’ve struggled in the past with being the sort of person, who just tried to fix everyone and everything and in the process just made it worse, because I was unable to recognize some people’s need for space and/or privacy even if was just a temporary thing. Also, I tended to react without listening fully.

I’ve been trying to apply these steps in my real life and I hope it helps some of you like it does me.

-Star

 

Mistakes and Challenges: Perception Counts.

We make mistakes, and we come up against challenges frequently but it’s how we handle these things that mold us.

Do we break down?

Do we give up?

Do we pass our troubles off to someone else?

Or do we work hard, push on through, and ask for help when needed?

Of course some things we cannot control. In these cases, it is how we handle them that matters.

If we can handle the hard moments, with dignity and pride, and put as much good energy into a bad energy situations as possible we will see more positive outcomes. Even if the only outcome is better mental stability, peace of mind, happiness, and the creation of more positive energy in the universe.

The problems we face and mistakes we make only drag us down when we let them. Of course, we are not perfect, but if we strive to have a better outlook on life, we will see how much better our lives can be.

-Star

The Evolution of the Religious

 A person could read every text from and about a single religion, talk to people in the religion, even be part of that religion and STILL not understand it fully. Why? This is because religion and individuals are constant evolving.

In the history of the world, there have always been lives lost, people harmed and discriminated against basis on religion. What many of us fail to see this that, regardless of a religion’s text, rules, laws, governing, etc.., there will always be some of its followers who either stay steady in the whatever they consider its original intent to be or others who see the need to either push change, or to at least, make changes within themselves. Over the last 50 years or so, we’ve seen some religions evolve, maybe because they realize the only way to survive is to become kinder and more accepting? Even the church I was raised in as a child didn’t allow people of color to hold certain positions until 1978. Crazy, Right? Even now, you can have two churches in the same town, preaching the same religion, but one has evolved to be kinder and more accepting. Change in religion comes slowly but it comes.

Individuals are much the same. They may follow a religion, it may be an intricate part of their life, but they may actively or passively remove themselves from the negative elements of their belief system. They may stay with a religion despite not accepting some of the elements of it. They may live in a state of cognitive dissonance, constantly reconciling, and trying to make their religion and personal beliefs fit together. (Some/Many people spend their whole lives this way.)

We cannot understand what a person believes based solely on their religion because people are too complex. We do not know what goes on in the mind of the individual, we do not know if someone is hoping for things in their faith to change. We cannot know for certain if they will be kind and honest despite their belief system calling for something else towards some people, and we do not know what kind of cognitive dissonance a person is dealing with. Assuming that we understand any other human we do not know intimately is one of the worst mistakes we can make. (Especially since many of us do not fully understand ourselves.)

I as an individual I can condemn hate, violence, bigotry, and oppression. I also cannot personally judge an individual based on their belief system, without knowing what they personally believe. With some religions, it may be near impossible to know what someone really believes due to the nature of their belief system and where or if they diverge from their religious teaching. In these cases, I advise caution over hatred and judgment. (Hate only begets more hate.) If you decide to be cautious, don’t forget to be kind and lead by example!

I am not a perfect individual, but I will continue to decide my feelings about other human being basis on how they treat me and how they treat others. I will not be judge and jury over another human being because their religion, I only will hope the best for them. I will hope they are or will become a kind, loving person, regardless of anything else.

– Star

 

 

 

 

Animals Understand. Why can’t We?

Even my cats understand that water is life.

I have one cat that will literally drink water from anything…a bowl, the sink, the toilet if you let him, even the snow off your shoes. Animals understand the importance of natural resources. (My cats even cherish every box and bag made from every tree we destroy.)

We know that we are made up of mostly water, we know we need it to survive, but we forget how important it is anyways. We start to filter our water at home for freshness or we buy from fresher sources overseas where it is yet untainted and all this as we continuously destroy the resources around us, in the name of money and progress. Water is life if we destroy our water sources we destroy ourselves.

We think of karma in terms of how we treat each other. Karma is also determined by how we treat Mother Earth.

Mother Earth is precious. Water is Life.

-Star

Mental Blocks, Meditation, and Imagery.

I’ve spent the last few days trying to writing something, anything, with little results. There is this unsteadying feeling in the air and in the world at large. I feel like a Jenga tower, with some of the pieces half way pushed out, and I’m trying to suck them back in.

I’ve been pondering cognitive distance and in which, if any ways, that it might relate to me. I am trying to understand things based on what I’ve experienced and trying to interpret conflicting information that is being thrown my way.  It is exhaustive sorting it all out.

I tried to meditate myself out of my funk last night, and it was an intense experience of warm energy entwined with similar images repeating over and over again in my mind. First I was thinking about a wooden block with tar dripping off it, then a large log with the same thing happening and finally, I was imaging I was a tree with tar dripping off me and onto the ground and dissolving like acid and dispearing. Maybe it was mental attempt to remove the negative energy that keeps trying to attach itself to me. I’m still not sure.

I just hope I find a remedy to whatever it is that is troubling me and keeping me from writing serious content soon.

-Star

Off Kilter

Yesterday was a completely off-kilter, unbalanced day. I couldn’t seem to do anything without tripping myself up, there seemed to be chaos buzzing in the air. I ended up putting the Nawang Khechog station on at work to focus.

( Nawang is a wonderful  Tibetan flute player and composer.)

I know some of us will do anything to protect ourselves from chaos and negative energy. We all have our own rituals, whether  mental or  physical. (Even if it’s just that morning cup of coffee.) Personally, I love some good sage.  I love the smell of it when it burns, and it reminds me to be centered, balance and serves as a sort of psychic protection.

Does anyone else have any rituals daily of otherwise, they used to ready themselves for the day and whatever it might throw at them?

“Only the Sith deal in absolutes.” -Obi-Wan

Today I had someone online, a friend of a friend, end their response to an earnest inquiry I made with telling me if I wasn’t helping people who are being actively oppressed then I was the oppressor. That neutrally doesn’t exist. (We are going to come back to the way I see this as untruth, in my personal case.)

“If you are not helping the oppressed you are the oppressor,” gives me flashbacks to my youth and “If your not part of the solution your part of the problem.” Different words meaning basically the same thing.

Every situation in this world is a matter of perspective with both or all sides thinking they are right.

When Obi-Wan said,”Only the Sith deal in absolutes,” this is actually a hypocritical statement. The statement in itself is an absolute, which would make him Sith. Telling someone if they are not on your side they are on the enemy’s side is an absolute, and we can not have balance our world or in our lives living in absolutes or imposing them on other people.

Now this person writing to me didn’t know me personally. I am a peaceful, pacifist, queer, pagan, who does not identify with either major American party and am the last person to be an oppressor. It is both possible and okay for me to not take sides on an issue when I am searching for facts  and questioning everything before I decide how I feel. I do have causes that I support, where I feel like I have enough information and I feel like a group of people is being oppressed and I need to stand by them. (I’ve stood on the side of the Water Protectors in whatever ways I can.) Perhaps, I could see that person’s statement holding validity if I stood by and did nothing, and wasn’t looking for information to form my opinion, which isn’t the case.

If I am not standing on the side of people you think are being oppressed, it’s not for lack of empathy or  compassion,  I’m just working through the mounds of information, misinformation, and hate before I can take a stance. I need to understand before I can stand up. If that makes some people label me as something I am not, so be it. I know I am a kind-heart amazing, human being made up of understanding, compassion, emotions and logic, no one can take that from me.

-Star

Hate Thy Neighbor (Documentary show)

The Viceland channel just started airing a new show, Hate Thy Neighbor. It is a  Documentary laced with the stand-up comedy of the host. If you don’t think hate exists, in this world, this country, or you think that only one type of people can be racist, I encourage you to watch this. It’s hard to watch, but informative. I’m really glad, I wasn’t raised in any of these environments or who knows what kind of person I may have become.

-Star

 

The Flag was Burning…

I dream vividly, intensely and often. This happened often in my youth than mostly stopped. The reemergence seemed to coincide with my spiritual journey, with my path to find balance and centeredness within myself. While I do have silly, weird, fantastical dreams, (like the one I had about flying superhero Benedict Cumberbatch) I also have unsettling ones and nightmares.

I’m trying to do better at writing my dreams down.

I’m trying to have more control over them, but it’s not easy.

Last night I had one that I could not shake, nor forget. I was at work, and strange men came to the front of the building, and in plain view and  burned a very large over-sized flag of the United States. They were screaming things through the glass. Things that I could not hear, yet somehow I understood. Then I woke up. I tried to fall back to sleep to finish the dream to fix things, or at least to understand them more. This did not happen.

Is this dream a manifestation of the future, my own stressors or just what happens when you read too much news before bed? I’m not sure. All I know that unlike some of the sweeter dreams I have I hope this one never comes true.

-Star